The Kunsthistorisches is the 4th largest art museum in the world — and most visitors spend 90 minutes looking at the wrong things. I take you through 2 hours of the paintings that are genuinely extraordinary: Bruegel's entire surviving output, Caravaggio in Vienna, and a Velázquez that will make you stop.

The Naschmarkt is 1.5km of food stalls — Austrian producers, Turkish bakeries, Iranian spice merchants, and the best Wurst counter in the city. We spend a morning eating through it, ending with a glass of Grüner Veltliner at a wine bar that opens at 9am because Vienna.

The Viennese Kaffeehaus is not a café — it's an institution. You sit as long as you like. The waiter brings your newspaper. Nobody rushes you. We visit three, each from a different era and with a different character, and I explain what each one tells you about Vienna.

Vienna's first district has 800 years of cellars beneath it — wine cellars, plague crypts, Roman ruins. Above ground, the Durchhäuser (hidden passages through buildings) connect streets that nobody knows are connected. We explore both.

Vienna's bar scene is not what people expect — Vinotheken (wine bars) that open at 4pm, Beisln (neighbourhood pubs) with century-old interiors, and the Würstelstand at 2am, which is Vienna's version of a social institution. We do all three.